Rechanneling Loneliness

Three months ago I was fighting back doubts as I unloaded my suitcases from Sylvie’s car at Dorval airport. Right now, I’ve just finished paying the utility bills for my Heraklion residence. Sometimes I still forget that I really do live here until bills arrive addressed to me.  Earlier this afternoon I got out for a walk and ended up in a conversation with two Korean visitors, Katherine and Terry. Their travels through the Balkans  segued into Venetian history and how I ended up here on my own . “You have great energy”, Katherine remarked and repeated it as we said our goodbyes.  Her comment stayed with me during my walk home. I was reminded of lines  in  Harry Baker’s poem Wonderful:

“When you’re on form be generous and spend that energy.

And when you’re not sure, be gentle with yourself,

and don’t forget to breathe.”

Maybe I’m more on form than I credit myself with if others sense energy in me. Being on my own often means I’m bouncing my ideas around in empty space. That’s when I have to step back…make another cup of tea and sip it slowly.

Before I embarked on this adventure, I often thought about loneliness or, more realistically, aloneness and the inevitable likelihood of finding myself on my own- maybe too frequently even -  in a brand new community. I didn’t allow myself to dwell on the subject because, until those spasms of missing something wrap you in their tentacles threatening  to choke you with a longing for a nameless something, sensible me reassures:  “You’ll be OK”, “This is something you wanted to do.”, “It takes time to make new friends.” “Go with the flow.”

I’m grateful for the technology that allows me to stay in touch regularly with far away family and friends. It helps to create connectedness, a reminder that I belong (and matter)  somewhere even if that somewhere is in another time zone or two continents away.  I’m learning that you have to remember your connectedness with others in those moments when the others can’t be there for you or with you.

You can create new connectedness too. Although it isn't always easy to smile at a stranger, satisfaction is your reward when they nod and smile back. Even if no reaction is forthcoming, it’s still easier to look up and smile than stare down and frown at the sidewalk. The lost child who allowed herself to be victimized by loneliness is older and wiser.  I understand that if you stay connected with yourself you are staying in the moment, taking time to breathe, going with the flow.

Stopping in the present moment meant making a new friend while waiting for the bus to Hersonissos one rainy afternoon. Allowing deep breaths helps you remember why you enjoyed somebody’s company the first time you met them so you meet for coffee and you keep meeting. Staying connected with yourself made you take the time to translate an article which has since lead to an exciting volunteer teaching opportunity. Speaking up resulted in a day out with an invitation to tour a remote archaeological site and lunch with another new friend.

Gradually, as the weeks pass on Crete, more plans and fresh connections create a sense of belonging. as I hold space for myself. It's a curious process, consuming energy seems to generate more . My cup isn’t overflowing yet but it's filling up. A good way to end this year and start the next. Wishing you energy in 2026!

*A note on the photo of the pomegranate. Traditionally it symbolizes spiritual growth and renewal. At this time of the year in Greece the pomegranate is a symbol of good luck for the coming year.